What is love? What's more important, who you love or how you love? You love what you love. When you fall in love, you want to go out on dates with that person, cuddle with them and spend romatic moments with them. Does love know any gendeyr? Can a girl fall in love with a girl, just like a girl can fall in love with a guy?
Ellen Degeneres & Portia De Rossi. A happily married couple. Is there anything wrong with that love? Is there anything wrong with a girl wanting to date another girl? If so, what's wrong?
"It's gross".
That's the answer most of the people give, when I ask them what's wrong with homosexual relationships. What's gross about love? Make me understand why you think it's gross.
"It's just common sense that it's fucked up".
But my common sense doesn't say that. My common sense says that people should be allowed to live happily with the gender they love. People say that homosexuality is forbidden, and they also say that Allah doesn't forbid anything that you don't do on purpose. Isn't that a contradiction?
"No. It's not".
Well, if you say that homosexuality itself is forbidden, Islam IS contradicting itself.
Then I wondered what homophobic people think what the meaning of "homosexuality" is. I asked a friend of mine who gay people are. He said, "Buri ah jahaa meehun". That's when I found out that the meaning of homosexuality has been terribly misunderstood.
Take out your dictionary and search for the meaning of the words, homosexual and heterosexual.
Homosexual:- A person who is sexually attracted to people of the same sex.
Heterosexual:- A person who is sexually attracted to people of the opposite sex.
What's the only difference between these two meanings? Opposite and same. Yes, homosexuality is the same thing and heterosexuality, except for the fact that homosexuality is towards the same sex and heterosexuality is towards the opposite sex. Homosexuality isn't only about sex. Just like heterosexuality, it is a lot more about love, than sex.
Now, you might be thinking "it says sexual attraction. Not love". Well, the meaning for heterosexuality says the same thing, but do heterosexuals want 'only' sex? No. There is a huge difference between sexual attraction and sexual desire. I will talk about that in a while, on this post.
There is more accurate definition for these two words, which might make you understand more.
Homosexuality:- It is the emotional and sexual attraction towards the same gender.
Heterosexuality:- It is the emotional and sexual attraction towards the opposite gender.
Then the question is, why does "buri ah jehun" come inbetween this? There's no real relationship between anal-sex and homosexuality. Anal-sex/anal intercourse are practised by both heterosexual and homosexual people. It's not only for homosexuals. Most of the maldivians say that anal-intercourse is gross. Well, I don't mind. If you think it's gross, then you don't do it.
There are many different things which Muslims say about homosexuality, but the question is, have you ever opened the Qur'an and really read what it says about homosexuality? If you did, you will find out that the Qur'an says NOTHING about homosexuality. Story of Prophet Lut and the homosexuals talks nothing about homosexuals. It talks about some sex-addicted people who desperately wants to have sex with the same gender. They wanted to have anal-intercourse with the same gender, but where in the world is "love" in that story? There's 0% of love in that story. Love is not something you can forcefully get. Love is a feeling you get, when you care a lot about someone. I will be talking about how homosexuality is not forbidden in Islam, in a future post.
Love:-
1-(Affection) a strong feeling of deep attraction for somebody/something, especially for a family member or a friend.
2-(Romantic) a strong feeling of affection for somebody that you are sexually attracted to.
When we talk about homosexuality and heterosexuality, we are talking about that love of romance.
Now, a lot of Maldivians say that homosexuals should be stoned to death. My question is, what's positive and what's negative?
Love vs. Kill
We all know that killing is negative and loving is positive. Kill someone for loving someone? Kill someone just because they want to be in a relationship, go out of dates with the person they love? Now, that's not right. We should always be positive. Always choose the positive side.
"A muslim can't be gay"
That is totally false. Sexual orientations(heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality; etc) have nothing to do with religion. It's sad that people take the wrong meanings of some words of the book of peace and love, and turn them into a tremendous negativity. Even if you search for a gay muslim on the internet, you will find them. It will be kinda hard, but you will find them. Search for "Rainbow Maldives" on google or on facebook. You will find a lot of gay maldivian muslims. Yes, they are muslims. You can add them (using a fake account, maybe?) if you want to and talk to them, if you want to find out more about gay maldivian muslims.
"A gay person can't be considered a muslim"
No. That's totally false, too. Yes, there are many gay men who want to have anal-intercourse, but does that make them a non-muslim? No. It doesn't. Allah's judgment is based on people's acts, not feelings or desires or tendencies. There are many straight people who want to have sex before marriage too. I remember one of my Islamic studies teacher saying "aharumen ves beynumehnu ekahala kanthah kuran? Emmen ves beynun ve ehnu? Ekamaku, eyakah azaabeh nulibeyne. E kuran beynunvaa haraam kanthah gos kureema, azaabu libeynee". No matter how much you want to fornicate, if you don't do it, Allah won't mind. No matter how much you want to have "anal-intercourse", if you don't do it, Allah won't mind.
Now, does this mean that homosexual acts are forbidden? No. It doesn't. It only means that anal-sex is forbidden.
"Homosexuality is unnatural".
A human feeling of attraction can never be unnatural. Love is very natural. A lot of people don't really know the meaning of natural. So, here it is.
Natural:- existing in nature; not made or caused by humans.
As you can see, technology is unnatural too, as it is going against nature. Technology consists of internet, mobile phones, clothes, houses, televisions and stuff. Those things are man-made, hence they are unnatural.
Let's talk about human nature. Human nature.
Human nature refers to the distinguishing characteristics, including ways of thinking, feeling and acting, that humans tend to have naturally, independently of the influence of culture.
Human nature consists of thinking (to solve problems and things), feeling (whether it is a negative or positive feeling, it is natural. Examples include, feeling like you want to kill someone, feeling like dancing,; etc), acting (acting means pretending to be someone you aren't. Like, pretending to be shy when you're really outgoing).
Homosexuality is an attraction. Attraction consists of love. Love is a feeling.
"Gay dating and stuff leads to anal-sex".
Doesn't straight marriage lead to anal-sex too? Yes, it is true that a lot of maldivians don't like anal-sex, but there are many straight maldivians who like it, too. Yet, straight marriage is allowed. Straight marriage does lead to anal-sex, but it is allowed.
"As long as a person doesn't have anal-sex, that person will not be considered as a homosexual, in Islam".
That's just like taking the meaning of an english word, out of an arabic book.
I translated the meaning of "gay" using Google Translator to see what appears, and مثلي الجنس is what I got. Then, I checked whether these words were there on any verse of the Qur'an which talked about Prophet Lut and the homosexuals, but these words weren't there.
Here are the verses:-
7:80-83
11:77-82
15:60-77
26:160-175
27:54-58
29:29-32
37:133-138
54:34-39
You can search for yourself too, and I'll do some research about how مثلي الجنس was made/mentioned first, and I'll post about it later.
So, you know that the word "gay" has not been mentioned in the Qur'an. Homosexual is an english word. The translation of that word to arabic is مثلي الجنس, which means both of them are the same, and will have the same meanings. I have mentioned the meaning of homosexuality above.
You may read those verses and say "homosexuality is forbidden", but read clearly. Is it homosexuality or homosexual sex which is forbidden? A lot of wrong context can be taken out of the verses of the Qur'an (like when non-muslims say that verse 4:34 allowes women-slavery in Islam), so it's better if you read the Dhivehi version. I will be posting those verses in Dhivehi, on this blog with some explanation too, in the future.
Remember, the people of Lut had anal-sex in public with no shame, no love and they have even attempted gay rape. There was no love in that story. If there is no emotional attraction or sexual attraction, that is not homosexuality. Prophet Lut's people had sexual desires. There was no emotional or sexual attraction.
Yes, there is a difference between desire and attraction.
Attraction:-
1- A feeling of liking somebody, especially sexually
Desire:-
1- A strong wish to do or have something
2- A strong wish to have sex with somebody
Attraction consists on caring and loving, but desires don't.
Prophet Lut's story is about sexual desires, not sexual attraction.
It is true that people who are attracted to the same gender gets sexual desires towards the same gender too, just like people who are attracted to the opposite gender gets sexual desires towards the opposite gender, but is it a sin to get sexual desires like that? No. It's not. Sexual desires are not something you bring on purpose. Anything which you don't do on purpose is not forbidden.
What if you mix sexual attraction and sexual desires together? Sexual attraction is when you like and care about somebody a lot. Sexual desire is when you want to have sex. What if you mix those two together? When a person wants to have sex with the person they love, that is when sexual attraction and sexual desire is mixed. What about having sex with the person you love? Sex is something which connects two people together. Sex makes the connection between two people in a relationship, stronger.
A lot of times, when a person haves sex with a stranger, they end up being miserable. This happens because the sex made a connection between the two, and when one of them leaves, you miss that person and it makes you miserable. If sex can make a relationship stronger, then why is it not okay? (I'm not talking about people having sex with strangers. I'm talking about a person having sex with the person he/she loves).
The main thing which the story of Prophet Lut forbids is anal-sex. The men who had sexual desires towards other men fulfilled their desires by the act of anal-sex. There are many Muslim Scholars who questioned whether lesbian sex was forbidden or not. Why did this question arise? Because lesbian sex doesn't involve anal-sex any more than it is involved in straight sex. What if a gay couple engage in other sexual acts, other than anal? Isn't that okay. Of course, it is. Why wouldn't it be okay? It strengthens the relationship between the two people. Why is it bad? Doctors look at and touch their patient's private areas, because there is an exception for that. The exception is medical treatment. Even though, medical treatment is unnatural (as medicines and things involved in medical treatment are man-made), medical treatment is positive. Always choose the positive. So, if love is positive and sex makes love stronger, why is it bad? It is not bad. Also, unlike medical treatment, sex is natural. Anal-sex is not natural, but that's not the only sexual act which exists. The other types of sexual acts are natural. Can an exception be made for sex between two people of the same gender (which doesn't involve anal-sex)? Of course. The exception is strengthening of romantic connection.
ALWAYS choose the positive. It is always best to choose the positive.
If you don't believe what I'm saying, then do this research on your own. You will notice the difference. Remember, anyone can be mistaken. Most of the maldivians talk as if they know more about homosexuals then homosexuals know about themselves, but we should all know that the person who will fully understand what that person feels is him/herself.
And if you were wondering, no, I'm not gay. I care about people's feelings. I don't like seeing people getting hurt. Homosexuals can't get rid of their feelings, just like we heterosexuals can't get rid of our feelings. The reason why I wrote such a huge post about this was because homosexuality is said to be forbidden in Islam and it is REALLY hard to understand the real meaning of homosexuality, especially because we have been raised, made to believe that it's very wrong. I've tried to come up with reasons why decriminalizing homosexuality can lead to bad things, and yes, I did come up with some stupid points, which I was able to understand later.
1- More people will turn gay
After I thought of this, I asked myself a question. If every guy around me dated other guys, will I date other guys too? NO. I won't. No matter how many guys around me date other guys, I won't do it. Then, I thought of how other people will answer this question, and that's when I realized that people won't turn gay. Other straight people will probably answer "no" to this question, too. I like girls and I will ALWAYS like girls.
2- Their adopted children will turn gay
After I came up with this point, I was surfing around youtube, and I watched a video made by a boy who had two fathers. He was talking about other people calling him gay, because his fathers are gay. He said that he is not gay and that he is completely straight, and he was saying, "just because my dads are gay, doesn't mean that I am gay". And I also saw this question posted on Yahoo Answers. It was posted by a girl who has two fathers and one little brother. She said that her little brother and gets bullied at school, and that people call them gay, just because they have two fathers. And she was talking about his little brother and her weren't gay, and that just because their parents are gay, doesn't mean that they are gay. And then I thought, if gay people will raise gay children, why in the world do heterosexual parents get gay children? Because of the way they were raised? I have met a bisexual muslim who loves Islam, and chose Islam all by himself. He said that if there was anything which he could change about himself, it would be his sexuality (sexual orientation). He believed that homosexuality is not forbidden and homosexual acts are forbidden. And I met another gay muslim who was raised in a very religious muslim family and country, but was gay. He talked about how he cries almost everyday, thinking about how his parents will want him to marry a girl in the future, and about how his teacher talks about how bad homosexuality is, while he keeps getting really depressed about what he is saying about gays. He also said that he prays that he will die soon. He asks God to kill him faster.
It's really sad that people have to live like that :( I tried my best to help him and encourage him, but he was reeally reaally sad :( I feel sorry for him. I really hope he finds happiness someday.
I don't know whether homosexuality is something which a person was born with or not, but I'm definitely sure that whatever happened, they didn't choose to be gay. They are the way they are, but they don't know why they are like that. A lot of scientists are trying to figure out why people are gay, biologically. A real authentic evidence has not been found yet, but that doesn't mean that it can't be biological. Science needs time. Well, it could be biological, but it doesn't matter even if it was developed. I've watched a lot of coming out stories on youtube, and a lot of them said that when they came out to their parents(told their parents that they are gay), their parents said that they know. Yes, this is the main reason why I think it is biological. A lot of parents know that their child is gay, but not all. I don't know how that happens. I guess it's because of how close they are to their children :-)
WHETHER GAY, STRAIGHT, BISEXUAL, ASEXUAL OR ANY OTHER SEXUALITY, WE ARE ALL HUMANS. EVERYONE HAS FEELINGS. TREAT PEOPLE WELL. BE KIND TO ONE ANOTHER.
Everyone needs to be allowed to be with who they love. I know that most of you still don't believe that homosexuality is okay, but why do you think you still can't accept it. It is because you were taught that it is wrong, ever since birth, but maybe this video will help you understand, just like it helped me in the past.
This video shows everything that a gay person feels, but instead of homosexuality, this video is about heterosexuality. This video was made to make heterosexuals understand what homosexuals feel, and think when they go through life, facing the discrimination. You should watch this video, too.
And also, if homosexuality was really forbidden in Islam, I wouldn't even hesitate to leave Islam. Yes, I will. If you fully understand homosexuality, you will notice how unfair it is, for homosexuality to be seen as something which is forbidden. That unfairness will be what's gonna make me leave Islam, but thankfully, it is not forbidden. I have to thank God for making me understand what gay really is. The reason why I think making people understand what gay really is, because you never know whether you will get a gay child or not. I don't want children to live miserable lives. Parents should always accept their children.
There is a movie based on a true story which everyone should watch, especially parents. It is about a religious parent who gets a gay son, and the son commits suicide due to the lack of acceptance from his parents. Yes, I cried watching this movie. The movie is called "Prayers for Bobby". You may not have time to watch the whole movie right now, so here's a speech by the main character of the movie, the parent, Mary Griffith.
